This is Halloween. This is Halloween or
Everyone Hail to the Pumpkin Song

Happy Halloween everyone.

Tragic Reviews Night of the Living Dead or
They're coming to get you Barbara...

Johnny and Barbara drive out to the country to lay a wreath on their father's grave. Without warning or provocation, the two are attacked. Barbara takes refuge at a nearby farm where she is joined by survivors of other similar attacks. The dead are returning to life and feasting upon the living.

What a delightfully macabre premise. The dead are rising to life and attacking the living. You can't argue with them. You can't reason with them. If they bite you, you're infected and become one of them. If you die you become one of them.

This film so deftly dances between a gluttony of fears and taboos, that one can forgive the B-movie aspects.

Night of the Living Dead is the grand-daddy of all zombie films and a true horror classic. Tragic grants this film a well deserved 8 out of 10 flesh-eating ghouls.

Tragic Reviews Dawn of the Dead or
I'm sorry, Hell's a little full right now. Could you stroll about the Earth for a while?

Filmmaker George Romero follows his B-Movie classic, Night of the Living Dead, with a splatter-filled extravaganza. This movie picks up from where Night of the Living Dead left off. The dead are rising and attacking the living and the world is plunged into chaos. A pair of news reporters and a pair of police officers decide to flee the city in the news helicopter and take their chances in the wilds of Canada. Along the way, they make a rest stop on the roof of a shopping mall and are seduced by the siren call of a mall full of goods, there for the taking.

Horror effects master, Tom Savini drips and rips and splatters his way through this film. Flesh is torn, rendered and blasted. Not for the weak stomached.

Underneath the viscera and entrails is an interesting social commentary film about greed and the masses. While not quite hitting the same cord that NotLD struck, Dawn is another cornerstone of horror history and pushed the envelope into squishy realms still avoided by most filmmakers.

Dawn of the Dead -- Tragic gives this film 6 out of 10 nasty teeth that gnash and bite.

Tragic Reviews The Shining or
All work and no play makes Tragic a dull boy, All work and no play...

Jack Torrence is struggling on the edge. A recovering alcoholic, Jack's teaching career was shot after he attacked a student who had vandelled his car. His marriage is strained to the limits, having injured his son, Danny, when on a drinking binge. Jack has been to rock bottom and is trying to claw his way back. The job at the Overlook seems to be just what Jack needs.

The Overlook is a majestic hotel, nestled deep in the Rockies. Closed for the winter, the hotel requires an off-season caretaker. Jack's old drinking buddy happened to have a seat on the board and pulled some strings to get him the position. For Jack, this job would be ideal. An opportunity to stay dry, to work on his unfinished play, and to try to mend his broken family.

But Jack's son has a gift and the hotel has a dark past and a life of its own.

Of the bajillion and one Stephen King novels in the world, this is likely the best. King is best when he is writing about his fears, and the pages of this book are ripe with them. Many of Kings later works seem strained... but this particular work is so raw and truthful. In the best tradition of American horror - a tradition King had a large hand in creating - the book takes a typical family and then throws them hip deep into the supernatural. The fear of the ghosts and creeps in this book are made all the more frightning as they're co-mingled with fears such as providing for the family, the fear of hurting a loved one, the fear of losing one's grip on reality.

And then there's the hotel.

Ranking with Jackson's Hill House or Matheson's Belasco House, the Overlook Hotel is one of the best realizations of the haunted house in American literature.

There have been two attempts to adapt the book to film. The first being Kubric's much ballyhoo'd adaptation, which I frankly didn't like much. The second being a made-for-tv adaptation, which came closer to the spirit of the book -if you'll pardon the pun- but still wasn't quite right. Do yourself a favour and give both films a miss and curl up in front of the fire with a nice cup of cocoa and a copy of The Shining.

The Shining -- Tragic gives this book a full 10 out of 10 bottles of Redrum.

Tragic Reviews The Blair Witch Project or
One year later his blog was found...

The premise of this film is very simple. In October of 1994, three student filmmakers disappeard in the woods while shooting a documentary. A year later their footage was found.

I've always felt that in horror it's better to tell than to show. The Blair Witch does a great job at this... jerky hand-held camera movements and out of focus shots, leave you wondering just what it was that you saw.

What was it that Heather found after Josh disappeared?
What was that off in the bushes?
What happened in the basement of the house?
There's always just enough of a glimpse for your mind to register something's there - but never a good enough glimpse for you to be fully sure what it was. Brilliant

The film hinges upon your belief that what's going on is absolutely real, and the filmmakers did a pretty good job of that. The website played it completely straight, giving photos of the crimescene, images of the tapes and film that was found and a history of the Blair Witch. A mockumentry, The Curse of the Blair Witch, played on television around the time of the film's release, fleshing out the details of the history and background. Convincing interviews with bereaved parents, local law officials and so-called experts all lent an air of credibility that what you were watching was real. I can recall, at the screening I saw in '99, a woman in front of us asking her husband, "was that real?".

Of course - now it's common pop-culture knowledge that the film isn't real - taking much of the oomph out of it. Skim through the comments at imdb, and you'll see what I mean.

My recommendation: Watch the mockumentry. Give yourself an hour or two and then watch the main feature. Then head out for a weekend of camping.

The Blair Witch Project (Full Screen) -- Tragic gives this film 9 out of 10 screams in the dark.

FrightNight 2003 or
Monster Chiller Horror Theatre...

My sister was fearless when it came to horror flicks.
Bloody. Suspenseful. Macabre. She took it all in stride.

I, if ever you could drag me into a room where a scary film was playing, would watch from under a thick blanket - predicting the death of every character that deigned to walk on-screen.

My submission for Fright Night 2003 is dedicated to my sister, who dared me every step of the way towards an appreciation of the scary tale.

Tragic Reviews The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or
Meat - it's what's for dinner
October 16th, 2003

If you know someone who's thinking about adopting a vegetarian diet and want to tip them that direction, TCM is the film to go with. Austensibly based on a true story, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the story of five friends who are stranded out in the backwaters of Texas, and literally like cattle to the slaughter, fall prey to a grisly family of cannibals.

What I found disturbing of this film is the cold, quick and brutal way in which the victims are dispatched. There's no quips from the killer or creative means of dispatching the victims. There's no cat and mouse between the oh so clever villain and equally brilliant protaganist. 'Man as meat' is the prevailing message of this film. In this film, when someone dies, they die quick and they die hard. Bash to the skull with a sledge. Splortch across the chest with a chainsaw. Krunch onto a meat hook. With the efficiency of an abbatoir, the killer dispatches the For a film with little onscreen blood that is close to 30 years old, it still packs quite a punch.

My one complaint would be a lack of characters that I could actually like or care about. Maybe it's bad acting. Maybe it's poor dialogue. But I didn't really care for any of the victims when they shuffled off this mortal coil to the great sausage grinder in the sky. Had there been more compelling characters, this film would rank as a favourite horror flick. Perhaps this problem has been corrected in the remake that's being released this week.

As it stands now, the film is a must-see for anyone who considers themselves to be a horror fan. A true Drive-In Classic, it's the perfect film to MSTie with a room full of friends or to watch late at night with a warm bowl of popcorn and all the doors locked.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre -- Tragic gives this film 6 out of 10 buckets of blood.

Tragic's Minor Nightmare or
When the bough breaks, the cradel will fall...

Had a scary story of my own the other day.

I get interrupted at work by a call from my lady love - she's in the emergency room with the baby. Thankfully I have an understanding, accomodating boss. Not only does she tell me to just drop all that I was working on, but she drives me to the hospital and reassures me the whole way.

"Babies are resiliant," she tells me. They can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. This is something a lot of people are going to tell us over the next little while, coupled with stories of the time their own baby dropped. The sentiment is appreciated but it doesn't keep me from freaking out.

The emergency room is a maze of doors and hallways and a line of the walking wounded, waiting for admission. Somewhere behind all the doors I can hear my son screaming. If there's a top ten list of sounds you never want to hear, that one's definitely on there somewhere inbetween fingernails scratching on a blackboard and the sound of your own guts spilling onto the floor. It was compounded by not being able to find which door or hallway he was down, nor being able to get to anyone who could show me to him. I finally found them when I caught a glimpse of my wife behind a door that was just closing.

One of the local movie theatre chains has a special for mothers of newborns. It's a matinee showing where the films are childrens films, romantic comedies and other light fare. As everyone attending this screening is a mother of a newborn, there's not the same feeling of embaressment when the child cries or needs to be breast fed. The lights aren't fully darkened so that mothers can take the babies out to the change table and the volume is kept low for sensitive little ears. All in all a wonderful program. It gives moms a chance to go out and see the films they'd otherwise be missing, but more importantly it gives them a social event with other adults so they don't go stir crazy.

So my wife went to the showing at our local theatre. This particular theatre chain had just initiated the program and so they weren't as clued in as they should be. The lights were completely out and the volume up to full. So my lady love goes out to tell management to please turn down the volume. Unfortunately this is one of those theatres with godawful steps that don't fully line up with the aisles. When she went to return to her seat she tripped and both her and the baby fell off the steps into the aisle. Her right arm took the brunt of the fall -she was doing what she could to protect him- but the little guy's head still took a whack against the concrete.

The doctor informs me that the little guy's x-rays show nothing wrong and provided that there's no vomiting or lethargy he should be ok. My lady love has a fractured wrist that will stay in a cast for the next six to eight weeks. Baby was clingy before the accident - now he just doesn't want to let go which means hours on end of my walking and rocking him. By the time my wife's arm is better, I figure my back will be permenantly out of commission.

Thankfully, it's not as bad as it could have been. But lordy... that's enough fright to last me through to next Halloween.

Black cat's and goblins, witches and ghosts or
You may think they scare me, you're probably right...

I've been slashing away at a submission for Comixpedia's Fright Night 2003, and it's put me in a mind for scary movies.

Horror, imho, is one of the more difficult genres to work in.
Actually - let me rephrase that. It's the easiest to work in - the most difficult to pull off.

To tell a successful horror film you must be original. Either push the envelope further than anyone before you has dared to, or tell your story in a way no one before you has. And let's face it - the envelope's been pushed pretty far and there's just not that many twists to stories that haven't been tried already.

I started off hating horror movies. Couldn't stand them. I was squeemish, you see. I'm still squeemish, but I've gained an appreciation for scary stories. A grim fascination with the storytelling of the macabre. Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be posting reviews of some of my favourite scary tales. Feel free to share with me (tragiclad@theelusivefish.com) any favourites of yours.

Tragic Blogs or
wuv, twue wuv.
October 6th, 2003

I found love, in all places, while waiting to see Star Wars. She had wanted to watch the film with the hard core fans. I was the hard core fan who happened to be one of the organizers of Toronto's advance line for Episode I. I'm not the type to believe in love at first sight - but I tell you that from the moment I met her I knew she was the one.

For those of you who've met your own the one, I need explain no further. You understand exactly what I mean. For those of you who've yet to meet the one, I've not the skills with the language to convey what it's like to be with this person. Go buy yourself a book of poetry and you'll get the idea.

Somehow, I not only was fortunate enough to meet the one, I also managed to convince her I was of some worth and best to keep around. Today marks the first anniversary of our marriage together.

So go grab yourself a drink as I offer a toast,
To those of us in love. The heart knows what the heart knows. Cheers

Spam Spam Spam Bacon Sausages and Spam or
No - we have no Viagra. We have no Viagra today.

If you've come here looking for Viagra, I'm sorry to say, you've come to the wrong place.

Some wretched spammer has been firing off emails with the subject line Viagra and Diet Pills prescribed online! and using 'theelusivefish.com' as the reply-to address. I'd love to give this individual a piece of my mind, but as Fred Showker over at 60-seconds.com found, this spammer has pretty heavily covered their tracks.

For those of you who've come to my site looking for the schmuck who spammed you - he's not here. Sorry.
I really am.

But if you think it's annoying dealing with that one message you recieved, try dealing with several hundred emails that are bounced addresses or irate individuals who think you're the source of the spam.